"The person who deflects compliments, who over-prepares for every meeting, who arrives early and stays late and still feels like they got away with something - we call that person humble. But there's a version of this behavior that has nothing to do with modesty and everything to do with a childhood where love was transactional."
"The conventional wisdom says this is a good trait. That constantly feeling like you need to prove yourself keeps you sharp, keeps you motivated, keeps you from becoming complacent. But the pattern I keep seeing is that this relentless need to earn your place doesn't produce excellence. It produces exhaustion disguised as ambition."
"When the foundation shifts like that, you start to believe - without anyone saying it directly - that your place in a family, in a room, in someone's life, isn't automatic. That it has to be earned through vigilance. Through usefulness."
Humility and self-worth often appear similar, but a need for validation can stem from childhood experiences where love was conditional. This behavior, admired in corporate culture, can lead to exhaustion rather than excellence. The belief that one's place must be earned creates a constant pressure to perform. Personal experiences, such as parental divorce, can shape these feelings, leading individuals to feel their worth is contingent on their usefulness and vigilance in relationships.
Read at Silicon Canals
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