"Shame is a painful perception of self as failing, inadequate, impotent, defective, unattractive, or unlovable. Pride is a pleasant perception of self as successful, accomplished, potent, admirable, attractive, or lovable. Inner perceptions of self implicitly guide thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Rarely do we consciously consider ourselves to be failures, successful, lovable, or unlovable. Inner self shame manifests only when shameful behavior is exposed-that is, when we're caught."
"A virulent way of coping with contradictions between the inner and outer self is acting on the adrenaline-fueled impulse to shame others. Making someone feel small, defective, repulsive, isolated, or unlovable has a similar effect on the inner self. Shaming others exacerbates inner shame. Reconciliation: Inner and Outer Pride If you tend to be self-obsessed (thinking only of yourself and your own perspective), practice seeing other perspectives without pre-judging them through negative labels or pejorative characterizations."
Inner and outer perceptions of self implicitly guide thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and contradictions between them produce psychological distress. The most common contradiction is inner implicit shame paired with outer explicit pride. Indicators of this contradiction include self-obsession, inflated ego, entitlement, manipulation, and devaluing others. A virulent coping mechanism is acting on an adrenaline-fueled impulse to shame others, which momentarily masks inner shame but ultimately exacerbates it. Reconciliation requires aligning inner and outer pride through perspective-taking without negative judgments, practicing humility, honoring basic humanity and others' well-being, recognizing human frailty, and acting from deeper values rather than defensive posturing.
Read at Psychology Today
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