#celebration-etiquette

#celebration-etiquette

My former life as a lawyer required accounting for time in six-minute increments, sometimes confronting the fact that I'd derailed and taken way too long to research something that turned out to be the wrong question. Something similar happened here when I looked up and realized I'd lost 30 minutes scouring wedding related message boards to figure out how one would obtain a suit in his exact size without paying for it.

The worst offenders, though, are the goody bags. This year, my kids received them at Valentine's Day, Ramadan, Easter, Halloween, and many birthday parties. Every time they bring one home, they dump its contents on the living-room floor and pick through their treasures with glee. But soon enough, the tiny fire truck has lost its wheels and a fight has broken out over whose Care Bears keychain is cooler, though neither of my children has ever owned a key.

Part of the answer lies in the visceral nature of the game. Unlike chess, football is physical to the point of absurdity. Grown adults in body armor crash into each other over what is essentially a leather egg. There's drama in every play. You don't need a PhD in physics to appreciate a one-handed catch while somersaulting over a defender like a caffeinated acrobat.

I'd gently suggest that you're not helpless against the changing tide. You've noticed a pattern that seems to be in conflict with your hopes and expectations for the holiday. So, for next year, you have the opportunity to talk about it with your daughters in advance and find a solution that makes everyone happy. Every holiday meal is, of course, about the food, but its primary purpose is togetherness as a family.

I used to think it was just good manners drilled in by strict parents, but after interviewing behavioral researchers for a recent piece on social dynamics, I've discovered there's something much deeper at play here. This seemingly small gesture-waiting for others before diving into your meal-actually reveals a fascinating cluster of personality traits that psychologists link to both personal and professional success. The research suggests these patient diners aren't just being polite; they're demonstrating qualities that make them exceptionally good friends, partners, and colleagues.

Letting our dogs lick the dishes before we put them in the dishwasher!

You didn't just lose a husband-you also folded yourself into his family's grief and stood beside them through their darkest moments. Those ties don't simply disappear because life moves forward. Knowing that firsthand, I want to acknowledge the very human dilemma you are facing. You're balancing loyalty to someone who has been family for a long time with the commitment you are now making to a new partner. These are not simple emotional shifts. They require courage, clarity, empathy, and a whole lot of heart.

You get a coffee. The barista tells you how much you need to pay. You say thank you. They take your card for payment. They say thank you. They give you the coffee. You say thank you. They say thank you for your thank you. Then you say thank you for their thank you. By this point, the words thank you have lost all meaning, and both parties are exhausted by the pointless stream of politeness.