DevOps
fromArmin Ronacher's Thoughts and Writings
19 hours agoAbsurd In Production
Absurd is a durable execution system built on Postgres, providing efficient task management and checkpointing without needing separate services.
#deception-and-roleplay
#deception-and-roleplay
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#communication #psychology #relationships #emotional-intelligence #authenticity #mental-health #identity
#authenticity
fromSilicon Canals
38 minutes agoMental health
I'm 37 and the friendships in my life that have lasted are the ones where we stopped pretending - stopped curating what we showed each other, stopped performing the version of our lives that made sense on paper - and what replaced the pretending is the best thing I have built in the last decade - Silicon Canals
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology suggests the most attractive person in the room is almost never the one trying hardest to be - because effort in the direction of attractiveness is visible, and visibility of effort is the one thing that reliably cancels the effect it's trying to produce - Silicon Canals
Authenticity is more appealing than effortful perfection in social interactions.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
6 days agoI've noticed that the moment I stop trying to impress someone is the exact moment they start leaning in and asking real questions - like people can smell performance from a mile away even if they can't name what feels off - Silicon Canals
Authenticity in conversation fosters genuine connection, while performance creates a barrier that hinders true interaction.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
38 minutes agoI'm 37 and the friendships in my life that have lasted are the ones where we stopped pretending - stopped curating what we showed each other, stopped performing the version of our lives that made sense on paper - and what replaced the pretending is the best thing I have built in the last decade - Silicon Canals
Authentic friendships emerge when individuals drop their facades and share their true struggles with each other.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology suggests the most attractive person in the room is almost never the one trying hardest to be - because effort in the direction of attractiveness is visible, and visibility of effort is the one thing that reliably cancels the effect it's trying to produce - Silicon Canals
Authenticity is more appealing than effortful perfection in social interactions.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
6 days agoI've noticed that the moment I stop trying to impress someone is the exact moment they start leaning in and asking real questions - like people can smell performance from a mile away even if they can't name what feels off - Silicon Canals
Authenticity in conversation fosters genuine connection, while performance creates a barrier that hinders true interaction.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 hour agoPsychology says people who are nice on the surface but have no close friends aren't lonely because nobody wants them - they're lonely because the version of them that everyone wants is not the version that needs anything, and a self that never needs anything is a self that nobody ever gets close enough to actually know - Silicon Canals
Being nice can lead to emotional isolation and a lack of true connection with others.
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoThe older I get the more I notice that my body remembers arguments my mind has forgiven. A tone of voice, a specific pause before someone speaks, a door closing at a certain speed. Forgiveness turned out to be a cognitive event that the nervous system never agreed to. - Silicon Canals
Forgiveness involves both conscious decisions and unconscious bodily responses, highlighting the complexity of emotional healing beyond mere intention.
Growth hacking
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoThe people who look most successful on the outside often have no idea what they're doing - they just learned early that confidence and competence look identical from a distance - Silicon Canals
The gap between perceived success and actual competence is significant, often leading to overconfidence in those with limited knowledge.
#identity
fromSilicon Canals
4 hours agoPsychology
Psychology says people who feel like they've been living someone else's life aren't confused or ungrateful - they're often the ones who were so good at adapting in childhood that they never stopped adapting long enough to find out who they actually were - Silicon Canals
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoThere's a specific kind of exhaustion that comes not from doing too much but from performing a version of yourself all day that doesn't actually exist. The tiredness isn't physical. It's the distance between who people think you are and who you become the moment the door closes. - Silicon Canals
Performance in social settings creates psychological fatigue due to the gap between projected identity and true self.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
4 hours agoPsychology says people who feel like they've been living someone else's life aren't confused or ungrateful - they're often the ones who were so good at adapting in childhood that they never stopped adapting long enough to find out who they actually were - Silicon Canals
Adapting to others' needs in childhood can lead to feeling disconnected and lost in adulthood.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoThere's a specific kind of exhaustion that comes not from doing too much but from performing a version of yourself all day that doesn't actually exist. The tiredness isn't physical. It's the distance between who people think you are and who you become the moment the door closes. - Silicon Canals
Performance in social settings creates psychological fatigue due to the gap between projected identity and true self.
Writing
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoI was quietly unhappy with my life for years and the most unsettling part wasn't the unhappiness - it was how functional I remained inside it, how well I performed contentment, how convincingly I answered fine to every person who asked, including myself - Silicon Canals
Pretending to be okay while feeling empty can trap individuals in a cycle of unhappiness.
#communication
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
23 hours agoPsychology says people who are cold through text but warm in person aren't being inconsistent - they're showing you exactly where their warmth lives, which is in the room, in the eye contact, in the unrepeatable presence of another human being, and the medium that removes all of those things removes most of what they have to give - Silicon Canals
People's communication styles reflect their emotional energy, not their intentions or feelings towards others.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoPsychology says people who command the most respect in a room aren't the loudest or most confident - they're the ones who can disagree without making others feel stupid for having believed something different - Silicon Canals
Respectful disagreement fosters genuine influence and encourages open dialogue.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
23 hours agoPsychology says people who are cold through text but warm in person aren't being inconsistent - they're showing you exactly where their warmth lives, which is in the room, in the eye contact, in the unrepeatable presence of another human being, and the medium that removes all of those things removes most of what they have to give - Silicon Canals
People's communication styles reflect their emotional energy, not their intentions or feelings towards others.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoPsychology says people who command the most respect in a room aren't the loudest or most confident - they're the ones who can disagree without making others feel stupid for having believed something different - Silicon Canals
Respectful disagreement fosters genuine influence and encourages open dialogue.
fromDefector
5 days agoFor Now, ABS Makes Good Theater | Defector
Under the ABS challenge system, a team begins each game with two challenges. If a player gets an umpire's call overturned, their team retains the challenge. In effect, this means a team has unlimited challenges until they get two wrong.
Boston Red Sox
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
13 hours agoThere's a specific kind of tiredness that has nothing to do with sleep. It comes from years of translating yourself into a version that other people could handle, and the exhaustion lives in the gap between who you are and who you've been performing so consistently that even you forgot there was a difference. - Silicon Canals
Workplace burnout often stems from the exhaustion of pretending to be someone you're not, rather than from overwork itself.
from48 hills
2 days agoDrama Masks: Mad, bad, and dangerous to see - 48 hills
The final show I review below got me looks that made me feel like a fish in a bowl. First, the private security at the door had two Valiant rent-a-cops who scowling at me-and only me-with that same 'Give me an excuse!' glare I've gotten from real cops all my life.
Arts
Television
fromwww.theguardian.com
2 weeks agoOur lead actor doesn't know he's in a television show!' The return of an unbelievable TV hoax
Jury Duty's second season successfully recreates the original's deceptive format with a new participant, Anthony Norman, unaware he's part of a staged company retreat rather than a genuine temp job.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology says people who crave both complete freedom and deep companionship aren't confused - they're experiencing the central tension of the human condition, and the people who resolve it aren't the ones who choose a side but the ones who stop treating it like a choice - Silicon Canals
The autonomy-connection paradox highlights the human need for both independence and intimacy in relationships.
Artificial intelligence
fromThe Verge
2 weeks agoAI companies want to harvest improv actors' skills to train AI on human emotion
AI training companies hire creative professionals like actors and comedians to generate specialized data that helps fix gaps in AI model knowledge, raising concerns about accelerating job obsolescence in creative industries.
Miscellaneous
fromSilicon Canals
3 weeks agoPsychology says the thing most people lie about on Monday morning - "how was your weekend" - falls into one of these 6 categories, and the specific lie a person tells reveals which part of their life they're performing and which part they're protecting - Silicon Canals
People tell patterned lies about their weekends to colleagues, revealing deeper anxieties about how they're perceived at work.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoI stopped explaining myself when I apologize and the reactions taught me exactly which people in my life had been treating my explanations as retractions. To them, sorry with a reason attached meant sorry didn't really count, and sorry without one meant I was finally admitting fault on their terms. - Silicon Canals
Apologies without explanations reveal who truly listens and who seeks loopholes.
#conversational-narcissism
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology says the most self-centered people in any room aren't the ones who talk loudest - they're the ones who respond to every story you tell with a story about themselves, so automatically and so consistently that they've long since stopped noticing they do it - Silicon Canals
Conversational narcissism involves shifting focus in conversations back to oneself, often without awareness, hindering genuine connection.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 week ago7 phrases that sound caring but are actually a self-centred person redirecting the conversation back to themselves - and the one most people fall for every time is the phrase that begins with "I totally understand because I..." followed by a story that replaces yours entirely - Silicon Canals
Conversational narcissism redirects focus to the speaker, often disguised as empathy, making it difficult to recognize.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoPsychology says if someone secretly dislikes you they'll almost never say it out loud - but their body will, in the microseconds before they've decided what their face is supposed to be doing, and learning to read those moments is one of the more uncomfortable social skills available to anyone willing to develop it - Silicon Canals
Microexpressions reveal true emotions faster than conscious control, providing insights into feelings that words may conceal.
#manipulation
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoI'm 44 and the most powerful thing I ever learned about dealing with manipulative people is that silence - actual, sustained, unapologetic silence - makes them unravel in ways that confrontation never does - Silicon Canals
Silence can effectively disrupt manipulative dynamics by refusing to engage in confrontational exchanges.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 weeks agoNobody warns you that the fakest people you'll ever meet won't be the obvious ones - they'll be the ones who remember your birthday, ask about your kids, and make you feel seen right up until the moment their kindness stops being useful to them - Silicon Canals
Fake niceness can be a strategic manipulation to create indebtedness rather than genuine connection.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoResearch suggests the most effective way to shut down a manipulator isn't arguing with their logic - it's refusing to participate in the emotional transaction they're trying to create - Silicon Canals
Manipulators seek to dominate rather than engage in genuine dialogue, using emotional reactions as a means to control the interaction.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPeople who go completely silent during an argument aren't giving you the silent treatment. They learned early that anything they said while emotional would be used as evidence against them later, so silence became the only statement that couldn't be misquoted. - Silicon Canals
Silence during conflict can be a strategic choice rooted in childhood experiences of emotional expression being weaponized.
Arts
fromOregon ArtsWatch * Arts & Culture News
2 weeks agoExperience Theatre Project immerses audiences in stories * Oregon ArtsWatch
Alisa Stewart founded Experience Theatre Project after experiencing immersive theater, creating participatory productions that transform audiences into active participants rather than passive observers.
#emotional-intelligence
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoBehavioral scientists found that the most emotionally intelligent people in a room are often the quietest, not because they have nothing to say but because they learned early that observation protects you in ways that speaking never did - Silicon Canals
Quiet individuals in professional settings often possess high emotional intelligence, using silence as a strategic tool for observation and understanding.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoI spent my whole life feeling inadequate around 'educated' people until I realized that being able to read a room, sense what someone needs without them saying it, and know when to stay quiet is a form of genius most PhDs will never possess - Silicon Canals
The traditional hierarchy of intelligence undervalues emotional awareness and interpersonal skills, which are crucial for understanding human interactions.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoBehavioral scientists found that the most emotionally intelligent people in a room are often the quietest, not because they have nothing to say but because they learned early that observation protects you in ways that speaking never did - Silicon Canals
Quiet individuals in professional settings often possess high emotional intelligence, using silence as a strategic tool for observation and understanding.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoI spent my whole life feeling inadequate around 'educated' people until I realized that being able to read a room, sense what someone needs without them saying it, and know when to stay quiet is a form of genius most PhDs will never possess - Silicon Canals
The traditional hierarchy of intelligence undervalues emotional awareness and interpersonal skills, which are crucial for understanding human interactions.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
4 days agoPsychology says the people who actually escape loneliness don't do it by finding more people - they do it by finally dropping the version of themselves that made real connection impossible in the first place - Silicon Canals
Loneliness stems from a lack of genuine connection, not merely from being alone or having many acquaintances.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoI stopped calling it imposter syndrome when I realized the feeling wasn't that I didn't belong in the room. The feeling was that every room I'd ever entered had rules I had to decode in real time while everyone else seemed to have received the manual in advance. That's not an imposter problem. That's a class problem. - Silicon Canals
Imposter syndrome often reflects the reality of navigating environments designed for those with class advantages, not a psychological deficiency.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoPsychology says the worst part of people-pleasing isn't the exhaustion - it's realizing that no one actually knows you because you never gave them the real version - Silicon Canals
People-pleasing leads to exhaustion and prevents genuine intimacy, as it creates a façade that others connect with instead of the true self.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoThe people who seem impossible to read aren't guarded because they don't trust you. They're guarded because the last time they were fully transparent, someone used the information as a map to the exact place that would hurt the most. - Silicon Canals
Betrayal trauma occurs when trusted individuals violate trust, leading to emotional guardedness and a rewire of disclosure circuitry.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
6 days agoThere's a specific kind of loneliness that belongs to people who are funny in groups but completely unreachable one-on-one, and it's the loneliness of having learned that performance is safer than proximity - Silicon Canals
Affiliative humor fosters connection but can prevent deeper intimacy, leading to a specific kind of loneliness for those who rely on it.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 weeks agoNot everyone who avoids conflict is afraid of confrontation. Some people finally realized that the person across from them doesn't want resolution, they want an audience, and refusing to perform is the most confrontational thing you can do. - Silicon Canals
Silence can be a deliberate choice in conflict, not a sign of weakness or fear.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 weeks agoI'm 37 and I've spent my entire adult life being told I'm 'too sensitive' or 'reading into things' - but the truth is I notice when people's tone shifts, when they avoid eye contact, when their kindness feels performative, and I'm exhausted from pretending I don't see what I see - Silicon Canals
Sensory processing sensitivity is a biological trait affecting 20% of the population, leading to deeper emotional and sensory processing.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 weeks ago9 things people with genuinely high social intelligence never do in a conversation - and the one that separates them most clearly from people who are merely charming is something so subtle that most people have never consciously noticed it happening - Silicon Canals
High social intelligence involves genuine engagement and listening, avoiding superficial interactions.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 weeks agoSocial psychologists found that the people others describe as 'intimidating' are almost never aggressive - they're simply present in a way that makes performative people uncomfortable, because authenticity exposes pretense without saying a word - Silicon Canals
Presence and attentiveness are often mislabeled as intimidation; genuinely dangerous people typically display charm and surface warmth rather than quiet composure.
fromFast Company
2 months agoA play with no actors on stage? That's the bet behind the world's first play in mixed reality
When a stranger smiles at you, you smile back. That is why, when Sir Ian McKellen ( The Lord of the Rings, X-Men, Amadeus) walked on the stage in front of me, looked me straight in the eye, and smiled at me, I smiled back. It was the polite thing to do. It was also completely unnecessary, because McKellen was not actually on the stage in front of me. He smiled at me through a pair of special glasses.
Arts
fromSilicon Canals
2 months ago10 subtle behaviors that reveal someone isn't actually a good person, even if everyone likes them - Silicon Canals
I spent years interviewing people for my articles, and one pattern kept emerging: The most likeable people weren't always the kindest. After ending a friendship with someone who constantly competed with me while maintaining a perfect public persona, I started paying attention to the subtle behaviors that reveal someone's true character. These aren't obvious red flags like cruelty or dishonesty. They're the small, easily overlooked actions that slowly poison relationships and environments.
Relationships
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
1 month agoPeople who seem kind but are actually mean underneath usually display these 8 subtle behaviors - Silicon Canals
Some people disguise meanness as kindness by offering conditional help, weaponizing favors, and feigning concern while gossiping to control or belittle others.
fromSilicon Canals
1 month agoThe 10 barely noticeable things people do when they're pretending to like you but secretly wish you'd leave - Silicon Canals
You know that feeling when you're talking to someone and something just feels... off? They're smiling, nodding, saying all the right things, but there's this invisible wall between you. I used to dismiss this gut instinct until I started paying closer attention during my interviews with hundreds of people over the years. The patterns became impossible to ignore. We've all been there, either giving or receiving these subtle signals.
Psychology
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