Codependency is not entirely bad. Much of what we hear about codependency frames it as a bad thing that we should get rid of or avoid at all costs. But it's possible to be in a codependent relationship without needing to leave it. At times, codependency is a way that we are trying to help someone or show love.
What they say instead is something softer, more nuanced: " I just want space." They describe feeling overwhelmed when their partner asks for physical affection, quality time, or emotional closeness. Not because those requests are unreasonable, but because they feel they have nothing left to give. What can look like withdrawal from love in fact often seems more like emotional exhaustion.
Love is supposed to feel safe, right? I remember sitting across from my therapist three years ago, trying to explain why I stayed in a relationship where I constantly walked on eggshells. "But they love me," I kept saying, as if that justified everything. That session changed how I understood love forever. After my four-year relationship ended in my mid-twenties, I dove deep into understanding attachment styles and relationship psychology. What I discovered was eye-opening: Genuine love has boundaries.
I've been in a long-distance, open relationship with "Tom" for nearly a year. When we first met, we were only planning to be casual BDSM play partners, but we both felt an instant connection and started a romantic relationship a few months later. When we first met, I told him that I didn't need to know about his other partners as long as he was using protection and getting tested, and he agreed.
I realized after several months that, while I enjoyed Susan's company, her partner Mike is not someone I am comfortable with. He is a heavy drinker and makes sexist and racist comments that leave me cringing. I've reached out to Susan several times to suggest the two of us do things solo, but unfortunately, they are quite joined at the hip.
