The only thing worse than making a mistake is keeping it bottled up inside. Learning from the mistakes of others could help you embark on the healing journey of sharing and working through a mistake of your own, with someone you trust.
I was stealing other people's definitions of happiness and trying to make them fit my life. I'd walk past neighbors' houses at night, see their living rooms lit up through the windows, and think that's what I was missing.
In childhood, we lack the emotional and cognitive maturity to fully understand the harm that comes from those we depend on for safety and love. To cope with fear, helplessness, and confusion, many of us blamed ourselves. This self-blame can create a false sense of control in a chaotic environment and allows us to preserve an emotional bond with caregivers, even if those caregivers are also the source of harm.
In some cases, fear of looking dumb is a symptom of social anxiety disorder (APA, 2022), and it can be associated with perfectionism and fear of failure. It can show up in issues such as imposter syndrome, or feeling like a fraud and worrying about not rising to the expectations of a high-achieving position. It can also be related to stereotype threat, when someone's membership in a marginalized group leads them to worry that they will act in a way that confirms negative stereotypes.
