Relationships
fromPsychology Today
1 hour agoI Don't Want to Be Fixed, I Just Want to Be Heard
Couples often fight over whose reality is valid, but what they truly desire is to be heard without judgment or correction.
#personal-loss-and-healing
#personal-loss-and-healing
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#mental-health #grief #relationships #psychology #personal-growth #identity #healing #loneliness #trauma #friendship
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 hours agoPsychology says the most emotionally strong people aren't the ones who never fall apart - they're the ones who fall apart privately, reassemble without fanfare, and never use their recovery as a reason for anyone else to feel guilty - Silicon Canals
Emotional strength involves acknowledging feelings and recovering privately, not denying vulnerability or pretending to be unbreakable.
Careers
fromSilicon Canals
9 hours agoI'm 66 and I spent forty years being extremely good at my job and last spring I realized I had optimized my entire existence for the approval of people I didn't particularly like - Silicon Canals
Professional dedication can sometimes mask a deeper need for approval from others, leading to personal sacrifices and a loss of self-identity.
Writing
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoI'm 66 and the most important relationship of my adult life has been with solitude - not as a consolation for the company I didn't have, but as the place where I have always been most honest, most creative, and most recognizably myself, and I spent too many years being embarrassed about that before I understood it was simply how I was built - Silicon Canals
Solitude allows for self-discovery and personal reflection, free from societal expectations and external pressures.
fromFast Company
3 days agoWhat to do after a life-defining mistake
The only thing worse than making a mistake is keeping it bottled up inside. Learning from the mistakes of others could help you embark on the healing journey of sharing and working through a mistake of your own, with someone you trust.
Books
#emotional-health
Retirement
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoI'm 66 and I spent forty years trying to stay positive through everything - and what I actually created was a life where nobody knew me well enough to notice when I was drowning - Silicon Canals
Staying positive can lead to hidden struggles and emotional isolation, as individuals often mask their true feelings to appear strong.
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoI'm 37 and I've already learned that your body keeps score, your gut rarely lies, and your childhood follows you into every relationship - while pretending I had it all figured out at 25 - Silicon Canals
Emotional struggles and stress manifest physically, impacting health and well-being.
fromIndependent
5 days agoJohn Connell: 'I was running on empty and the mental health issues emerged. It started a journey that took a few years'
Connell moves easily between philosophy, farming and writing, checking the oven and returning to a conversation that veers from cattle to climate change.
London food
#happiness
Writing
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoI'm 66 and I spent four decades chasing the version of happiness I saw in other people's living rooms - and the day I stopped, I noticed I'd been happy in my own kitchen all along - Silicon Canals
Measuring happiness against others' lives leads to perpetual dissatisfaction and obscures personal contentment.
#trauma
Parenting
fromPsychology Today
3 days agoHealing From Our Trauma Helps Shape Future Generations
Healing breaks generational trauma patterns and transforms relational dynamics and biology.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology says people who mellow out as they get older aren't the ones who suffered less - they're the ones who decided, at some point and without always knowing they were deciding, that the suffering was going to make them more open rather than less, and that decision, remade daily in small ways that nobody notices, is the entire difference - Silicon Canals
Emotional responses to life's challenges can change over time, leading to greater peace and stability despite ongoing difficulties.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
19 hours agoPsychology says the reason older people stop caring isn't emotional withdrawal - it's that they've finally learned to distinguish between what actually matters and what they were only caring about out of social obligation - Silicon Canals
Older individuals prioritize emotional connections over superficial relationships as they age, focusing on what truly matters in their lives.
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoPsychology says the most important life lesson isn't learning to make better decisions - it's learning to live peacefully with the ones you can't undo - Silicon Canals
Irreversible choices shape our lives and learning to coexist with them is crucial for mental well-being.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 hours agoThe hardest thing about being the calm one in a family is that your steadiness becomes load-bearing. Everyone leans on it, nobody asks what holds it up, and the day you finally crack, people don't comfort you. They panic. Because your collapse threatens the architecture, and the architecture was always more important than you were. - Silicon Canals
The calm family member often bears the burden of emotional labor, managing others' feelings while suppressing their own.
#retirement
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoI'm 66 and I woke up last Thursday and realized I couldn't name a single thing I was looking forward to - not because nothing good was happening but because I'd trained myself to find meaning in being needed and nobody needs me anymore - Silicon Canals
Finding purpose in being needed can lead to a loss of personal desires and identity after retirement.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoI retired at 64 with a generous pension and a calendar full of plans - and by month three I was staring at my phone realizing I had nobody to call just to talk, not because I needed something - Silicon Canals
Retirement can lead to unexpected loneliness and a realization of the lack of genuine friendships built outside of work.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
20 hours agoThe people who are best at hiding unhappiness aren't the stoic ones or the quiet ones - they're the ones who became so skilled at giving everyone around them exactly enough warmth to never be looked at too closely - Silicon Canals
People often hide their struggles behind a facade of warmth, leading to loneliness despite appearing thriving.
#loneliness
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoWriting
I'm 66 and the loneliest I've ever felt wasn't after my children left or my friends moved away - it was the morning I woke up and realized I had nothing that needed me, nothing that depended on my showing up, and the whole day stretched ahead like a road with no destination - Silicon Canals
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology says the loneliest people in life aren't the ones nobody likes - they're the kind, helpful people everyone appreciates but nobody thinks to check on because they seem so self-sufficient - Silicon Canals
Highly capable, helpful individuals often feel lonely because their strength creates an illusion that they do not need support.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology says the loneliness that arrives after 65 isn't an inevitable feature of aging - it's the accumulated result of every friendship that was allowed to thin, every phone call that was delayed, every invitation that wasn't extended, compounded quietly over decades until the social life that once maintained itself without effort requires more effort than it has ever required and more energy than is currently available - Silicon Canals
Loneliness often stems from a series of small decisions that weaken social connections over time.
Writing
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoI'm 66 and the loneliest I've ever felt wasn't after my children left or my friends moved away - it was the morning I woke up and realized I had nothing that needed me, nothing that depended on my showing up, and the whole day stretched ahead like a road with no destination - Silicon Canals
Loneliness can stem from feeling unnecessary, not just from being alone.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology says the loneliest people in life aren't the ones nobody likes - they're the kind, helpful people everyone appreciates but nobody thinks to check on because they seem so self-sufficient - Silicon Canals
Highly capable, helpful individuals often feel lonely because their strength creates an illusion that they do not need support.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology says the loneliness that arrives after 65 isn't an inevitable feature of aging - it's the accumulated result of every friendship that was allowed to thin, every phone call that was delayed, every invitation that wasn't extended, compounded quietly over decades until the social life that once maintained itself without effort requires more effort than it has ever required and more energy than is currently available - Silicon Canals
Loneliness often stems from a series of small decisions that weaken social connections over time.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoPsychology says the people who actually escape loneliness don't do it by finding more people - they do it by finally dropping the version of themselves that made real connection impossible in the first place - Silicon Canals
Loneliness stems from a lack of genuine connection, not merely from being alone or having many acquaintances.
#identity
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology says people who feel like they've been living someone else's life aren't confused or ungrateful - they're often the ones who were so good at adapting in childhood that they never stopped adapting long enough to find out who they actually were - Silicon Canals
Adapting to others' needs in childhood can lead to feeling disconnected and lost in adulthood.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
17 hours agoThere's a specific kind of grief that belongs to people who outgrew their hometown but never fully arrived anywhere else. They're not homesick for the place. They're homesick for the version of themselves that didn't yet know the place was too small. - Silicon Canals
Returning to one's hometown reveals a paradox of searching for a lost self rather than a changed place.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoI'm 37 and the friendships in my life that have lasted are the ones where we stopped pretending - stopped curating what we showed each other, stopped performing the version of our lives that made sense on paper - and what replaced the pretending is the best thing I have built in the last decade - Silicon Canals
Authentic friendships emerge when individuals drop their facades and share their true struggles with each other.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoNot everyone who avoids asking for help is proud. Some of them asked once, received it with a lecture attached, and learned that the cost of support was a small erosion of standing they could never quite earn back. - Silicon Canals
Asking for help can lead to unintended consequences that affect relationships and self-perception.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoThere is a version of grief that only people in their forties understand. It's not for someone who died. It's for the life you were quietly building in your head for twenty years that you now realize was never going to happen, and the mourning has no name because the thing you lost never existed outside your own planning. - Silicon Canals
Midlife reckoning involves mourning an imagined life that never existed, rather than regret for choices made.
#empathy
Psychology
fromPsychology Today
2 days agoHow to Help Someone Have an Empathy Makeover
Empathy can be developed through structured reflection and practice, enhancing mental health and relationship dynamics.
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoPsychology
Research suggests people who feel more empathy for dogs than humans aren't broken - their empathy is fully intact, it's just been directed toward the only available recipient that has never weaponized it, and a person whose empathy has been weaponized enough times eventually stops handing it to anyone who could do it again - Silicon Canals
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoResearch suggests people who feel more empathy for dogs than humans aren't broken - their empathy is fully intact, it's just been directed toward the only available recipient that has never weaponized it, and a person whose empathy has been weaponized enough times eventually stops handing it to anyone who could do it again - Silicon Canals
Empathy can be selective, often directed more towards animals than humans due to psychological and biological factors.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoYou know a woman has lost her joy in life when she describes her days accurately and without feeling - when the words are all correct and the tone is completely flat and the account of her own life sounds like something being reported rather than lived, and she doesn't notice the flatness because she has been inside it long enough that it just sounds like how things are - Silicon Canals
Emotional flatness can creep in, making life feel like a series of tasks rather than meaningful experiences.
#emotional-neglect
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoI'm 66 and I finally learned the hardest lesson isn't that people will disappoint you - it's that you'll disappoint yourself by pretending you don't need what you need until you forget what that even was - Silicon Canals
Neglecting emotional needs leads to a profound sense of loss and disconnection from oneself and others.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
6 days agoI grew up with a mother who was physically there but emotionally unreachable - and the confusion that produced, the child's inability to grieve a parent who is standing right in front of them, is the thing I have spent the most years in therapy trying to untangle and the thing I understood least for the longest - Silicon Canals
Emotional absence from a present parent can lead to profound feelings of unworthiness in a child.
fromPsychology Today
5 days agoPartnership on the Spiritual Path
Devon Hase states, 'People are trying desperately to fix, optimize, or escape their way out of relationship difficulty - and suffering more for the effort. Social media has made this worse! We're surrounded by images of perfect partnerships while quietly drowning in our own ordinary struggles.' This highlights the pressure couples feel in the age of social media.
Mindfulness
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology says people who apologize constantly without realizing it are more damaged than they appear - because they internalize blame and absorb conflict, a survival response from childhood, which never switches off even when they're safe - Silicon Canals
Excessive apologizing often stems from childhood experiences of mistreatment and can lead to chronic self-blame in adulthood.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoNot everyone who chooses a partner with visible problems is making bad decisions. Some of them are choosing people whose damage is louder than their own, because as long as they're fixing someone else, nobody turns the spotlight around and asks what broke them. - Silicon Canals
People often choose partners with visible problems to avoid confronting their own internal issues.
#emotional-intelligence
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoPeople who go quiet when they're hurt instead of raising their voice learned somewhere very early that their anger wasn't received as information. It was received as an inconvenience. So they stopped sending the signal and started absorbing the damage, and they've been doing it so long they sometimes mistake silence for calm - Silicon Canals
Silence during conflict often indicates deeper emotional pain rather than composure or passive aggression.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoPeople who go quiet when they're hurt instead of raising their voice learned somewhere very early that their anger wasn't received as information. It was received as an inconvenience. So they stopped sending the signal and started absorbing the damage, and they've been doing it so long they sometimes mistake silence for calm - Silicon Canals
Silence during conflict often indicates deeper emotional pain rather than composure or passive aggression.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
4 days agoPsychology explains the reason some people grow sweeter with age while others grow bitter has nothing to do with how hard their life was - it's about whether they learned to grieve their losses or hoard them - Silicon Canals
Aging can lead to either bitterness or sweetness, depending on how one processes life's hurts and losses.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoI used to be unhappy and I blamed everything around me - until I realized I'd built an entire life around avoiding the one conversation I needed to have with myself - Silicon Canals
Unhappiness often stems from avoiding self-reflection and attributing life issues to external factors rather than personal choices.
fromDeconstructing Yourself
1 month agoStay with the Grief
Today I saw images of students leaving their school with their hands raised in the air, hours after cowering in fear and terror in barricaded classrooms. Nine dead and twenty-seven wounded in the tiny Rocky Mountain town of Tumbler Ridge. The mayor, Darryl Krakowka, said, "I have lived here for 18 years. I probably know every one of the victims." And this in Canada, which often seems to us Americans like a bastion of sanity and normalcy in comparison with our madness.
Mindfulness
fromPsychology Today
1 month agoDon't Wait Until the Last Second to Say Goodbye
My New Year's resolution this year is to slow down with endings. To be more intentional about the last moments of coffee catch-ups, birthday parties, family visits, or even work Zooms. To go beyond bye and make space for appreciation and love. It's been harder than I anticipated. The reflexes of "nice to meet you," "good catching up," and "love you" are so ingrained that even when I feel more, sometimes much more, I settle for a wave.
Relationships
fromSlate Magazine
2 months agoOvercoming Grief Through Ritual
When we think of rituals, we tend to think of face masks and wellness trends. But there are actually ways to use rituals to help heal grief and deal with stressful times. On this episode, Lucy Lopez, Elizabeth Newcamp, and Zak Rosen are joined by ritual expert Betty Ray to talk about creative ways to help children process grief and big emotions, how to use ritual to create safety and expression, and much more.
Mental health
fromPsychology Today
2 months agoWhy Emotional Wounds Linger
To start resolving our hurt, it helps to pause and ask ourselves a different question: What kind of wound am I dealing with? Many painful experiences-rejection, disappointment, humiliation, betrayal, exclusion-do not leave traumatic injuries. They leave emotional wounds. These wounds are real and impactful, even when they do not necessarily involve threat, terror, or a nervous system focused on survival. And yet, they can linger for years, shaping how we see ourselves and others long after the event has passed.
Mental health
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